maybe i should just delete

my twitter account

and go study.

should not get distracted

by something

really unecessary.

out of sight,

out of mind.

zzzZZZzzz......

知道为什么我情愿把自己关在房里不出来吗

就是因为不想对着一些hypocrite的人戴上一副谁也知道是不真实的笑脸。

讲完。晚安。

钻牛角尖

though the title is in chinese

i still wanna blog in english! :P

钻牛角尖

is a term saying that a person who

tends to think negatively about anything,

though the fact is NOT what he/she think to be.

we all know this is not good to us at all,

but

ironically,

however, i do nothing better than this!

yes, doing the stuff which i just described above!

yes yes i know,

doing this is not at all beneficial nor making myself feel good.

but i just seriously can't help it.

did i say that i have tried before?

i kept telling myself to think positively,

tried to stop thinking negatively,

forced myself not to think negatively

but

all these effort was not fruitful.

sigh....

let me share an incident that happened today,

well i was told to go to oral patho department

to sign the attendance list

so i supposed to go to sign it after the theory paper in the morning

when i walked out of the exam hall

i totally forgot it

after i recalled about it, i went and ask my friends,

and just found out that they all already signed it after the theory paper.

at the very moment i felt so frustrated (rather by myself)

blaming myself how could i not remember to sign it.

at the same time putting (little) blame on them too.

i felt bad too (and somewhat guilty)

i didn't want to blame anyone else.

but

in a fraction of minute i just couldn't help it.

omg i'm such a bad bad person LOL!

so this is it, what i wanna share today!

so i would like to conclude the blog post

with a statement that

i am someone who doesn't think positively always!

i need to change

and maybe you can help me!

anyone who is interested to help me change to a better person

is most welcomed! :D

-Happy Wesak Day-

have a nice day!

let go of the past...

i am so "amazed" (or rather surprised) by myself,

for being able to sleep off during clinics when the staffs were eyeing on us students. :P

i used to think that the purpose of attending clinics is to LEARN.

learn from the lecturers(professors) as well as the patients.

but then i realise only after attending the clinics, that

"POSTINGS" is not about what i used to think.

the lecturers/professors do not teach in the clinics,

they do their own stuffs, we do our jobs.

at the end, we do not learn much.

the teachers here are different from the teachers in school,

here the students need to study themselves,

then only they can approach the lecturers.

after some time, i started to think,

what do we learn from clinics?

when a teacher does not provide a chance of learning for students,

the students have to work on themselves,

if, one day, the students feel unmotivated,

then the learning process stops.

now here is the question: what is the purpose of attending clinics??

maybe i should change my thinking,

maybe this is the difference between a university and a school,

maybe........

《一封写给自己的信》

《一封写给自己的信》

“亲爱的自己，不要抓住回忆不放，

断了线的风筝，只能让它飞，

放过它，更是放过自己。

亲爱的自己，你必须找到除了爱情之外，

能够使你用双脚坚强站在大地上的东西。

亲爱的自己，你要自信甚至是自恋一点，

时刻提醒自己我值得拥有最好的一切。”

来自微博心理学

这里是我的补充：

亲爱的自己，不要只看到别人拥有什么；

请看看自己拥有的。

亲爱的自己，不要老是看见别人做什么，你就跟着去做；

要想想看自己是否真的喜欢跟从他人。

亲爱的自己，不要老是跟别人比较；

因为很多事没办法衡量，

做自己最快乐。

十年了

中学的时候

读过一首英文诗

叫 “The road not taken”

非常喜欢这首诗

很有共鸣的一首诗。

刚发现原来我离开新民中学已有十年了。

离开新民中学对我来说

和这首诗的情形一样

只在新民中学念过一年初中一

之后就转校到另一间所谓的名校去念其余的四年。

转校听起来不过是换间学校那样而已

而我却用了四年的时间来习惯环境的改变。

时常让我觉得自己的中学生涯

不是很完整。

回想以前在新民中学的日子

其实有好多回忆随着时间的流逝

逐渐地被遗忘了

但是还有些记忆是依然存在的

那些美好的回忆

时而出现勾起我的思绪

让我一次一次地坠入“想当年”之情怀。

多次问自己

为什么要离开

为什么离开了之后

要想念在那里的生活

还想要回到过去。

真的

我不想离开

我希望一直留在新民

直到毕业

但是

真如诗中所道

两条分叉路

我选择了一条路

才真正的体会到

再也没办法回头去试试“走”另外一条路了

所以就得一路走下去。

今天又想起在那里的回忆了

虽然已经过了十年

但是那种想念还是难以用笔墨所形容

我会永远记得

新民中学--- THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

岁月不留人

好快哦

又老一岁了

以前年纪轻轻的自己

对生活有很多很执着的看法

我行我素

在时间的洗涤下

每过一年的在岁数上加一

从十多岁

到今天的二十三

真的觉得

有一种岁月不留人的感慨。

可能时间过得太快

可能我的反应太慢

还没心理准备

做个“二十多岁的人”

也不太清楚

该怎么做好一个“二十多岁的人”。

我发现

自己有个很奇怪的“心理毛病”

经过细心观察

原来我早在多年前就一直有这种“心理问题”

这件事我不曾向任何人提起过

近来它还经常干扰着我。

当你看见别人的生活很美满、快乐，你的内心会生起一股莫名的不满。你有吗？我有。

当你看见别人得到期盼已久的任何东西/人/奖励等，你的内心会生起一股莫名的不满。你有吗？我有。

当你看见别人很幸福甜蜜，你的内心会生起一股莫名的不满，而当你看见别人在失去心爱的东西而痛苦时，你会有一种莫名的满足感。你有吗？我有。

当然

不是对每一个人都是这样的

它只限于某几位特定的对象。

我不明白它为何会存在

而且不时影响着我的情绪

长久以来

我很努力的去压抑它

不让它影响着我

但是

我能做到的

只有掩饰。

我清楚

这种“心理毛病”固然很特别

但是

不能让它滋长

所以

我希望

可以把这种“心理毛病”

连根拔除。

我想

这就是我的

生日愿望吧。