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第60篇部落格

现在不想和人说话，

所以只和部落格说话。

夜里，

到底是不是比较容易“依默”？

可能生理期吧？

整个人情绪很无常。

特别敏感，

一不小心，便会受伤。

苦苦等着一通电话，

电话终于响起；

但是却越说越不愉快，

越聊越无言，

多次哽咽，眼泪在眼眶打滚；

不想再说下去。

哽咽的时候，本来就很难说话；

勉强着说话还要隐藏自己的情绪不让对方听得出，

很讨厌在这种情况说话，很难听而且比痛快地哭更难受。

一心渴望可以得到多点关怀

了解我的心情我的需求

但是却听见了这样的回覆

“你要我更了解你的苦衷，那谁来了解我的无奈？”

没关系

我的部落格最了解我了。

有它就够了。

从现在起

我可以自己过好自己的生活。

不依靠任何人

也一样可以很快乐。

-完-

work-out!

after a month of work-out

thought i can make my legs thinner

ironically, however,

they grow bigger!!!

damn!

aahhh! no!!!!

wait, is this an illusion?

or they really have grown big?

how i wish this is just my hallucination or 心理作用:

they were just the same instead of growing bigger,

i might be over-sensitive etc...

but....

what if this is real??

i can feel some difference happening to my leg...

they became stiff

oh please don't tell me i've added the "bulk" of muscle on my legs!!!

i don't want any of that!!

sob sob....

i don't know what to do now....

i just want a pair of thinner legs

and i swear i am working hard towards it!

and this is what i got...how sad! :(

aahh my legs!

hurt my calf muscles today

felt the muscle ache right after gym

pressed the calf to relieve the tense muscles

it hurts!

after sometime, black green discolouration appeared on the skin where i pressed!

i wonder is there hematoma(blood collection) beneath the skin?

sigh...

aiyo...

should stop doing gym until my calf recover...

next time should start with warm up first! >_<

bad dreamzzz...

woke up from a bad dream

feeling really really frustrated

can't get more ANNOYED by that!!!

why the hell on earth

that i have this dream???

because of the pre-exam stress???

the thing which i have been staying away from

the thing that i would wanna see last

all came up in the dream!

DAMN! feel like SHIT when i woke up!!!

bad dreamsss,

please stay away from me!

i've have enough of those!

am certainly not in a good mood now!

quick update

exam is nearing.....

the third year is coming to an end point.

and then another 2 years to complete the course.

haven't been "visiting" my twitter for days,

not active in facebook either.

dont feel like expressing my feelings in facebook nor twitter.

stopped stalking on people as well.

i've lost interest in doing that. :P

i just realised that being alone is not that bad.

living the life the way i want--is really good.

Are You a Hypocrite?

there are so many hypocrites around us

sometimes we are hypocrites also

being it

we do not have choice

since we have to deal with thousands of people

facing this kind of people daily

do make us feel tired and sometimes

even nausea....

sigh...

good luck in dealing with

hypocrites LOL!

CoNfEsSiOn

good morning!

i would like to tell a truth about me.

that

i am a

StAlKeR!!!

..................

............

......

wow i am brave enough

to tell my blog readers this

because i am risking my reputations

LOL...

yup right, a stalker!

not the one that hide in the bushes

and stalk about people

but the one

who check on other's facebook status, pictures etc...

so beware!

here comes the stalker!

roarrrr...

当、当、当当……

发现今年真的有好些娱乐圈的艺人

结婚了。

不说艺人，

本人也有几位同龄朋友披上婚纱，

成为人妻了。

开始时，

觉得哇这么早就结婚啦？

嗯……

其实还好啦，

几岁结婚并不重要。

最关键的是，

能找到那个最疼爱自己与自己最爱的人，

在众人见证之下，

许下承诺、白头偕老。

我嘛？其实我个人

真的对结婚没什么概念。

真的。

看着同龄的朋友结婚了，

自己也醒觉年龄不轻了。

多少也该

对婚姻这回事

有些概念。

但是，

有一点我非常确定的。

就是，

我还没准备好！！！

呵呵……

不瞒你说，

我对婚姻并没有什么特别佳的想法。

呃……

也许是因为

许多情侣都是撑得起风雨，

却经不起平淡。

我担心自己是这样的人。

担心平淡久了，会找不回当初的激情，

然后就无法走下去了。

还有另一个原因，

我不擅长交际/讨好别人。

于是便担心自己无法扮演好媳妇的角色。

其实不想结婚，

可以有说不尽的理由。

那些怕经不起平淡、

或是担心婆媳关系等理由。

都不是最主要决定要不要结婚的理由。

而是你自己，

想不想跟此人共结连理？

现时的我，

以不是单身。

于是问自己，

尚若有一天被问起了，

我的答案会是？

没有想，也没有不想。

说了等于没说是吧？

答案显示出，

那个让我觉得非他不嫁的人

好像还没有出现。

但是这样说，

会被人认为我对感情不认真，

在玩弄别人感情。

不是的。

只是，

心中的那个位置，

还一直悬空着。

至于未来会是如何？

我无法预测。

就交给老天或月老吧。

maybe i should just delete

my twitter account

and go study.

should not get distracted

by something

really unecessary.

out of sight,

out of mind.

zzzZZZzzz......

知道为什么我情愿把自己关在房里不出来吗

就是因为不想对着一些hypocrite的人戴上一副谁也知道是不真实的笑脸。

讲完。晚安。

钻牛角尖

though the title is in chinese

i still wanna blog in english! :P

钻牛角尖

is a term saying that a person who

tends to think negatively about anything,

though the fact is NOT what he/she think to be.

we all know this is not good to us at all,

but

ironically,

however, i do nothing better than this!

yes, doing the stuff which i just described above!

yes yes i know,

doing this is not at all beneficial nor making myself feel good.

but i just seriously can't help it.

did i say that i have tried before?

i kept telling myself to think positively,

tried to stop thinking negatively,

forced myself not to think negatively

but

all these effort was not fruitful.

sigh....

let me share an incident that happened today,

well i was told to go to oral patho department

to sign the attendance list

so i supposed to go to sign it after the theory paper in the morning

when i walked out of the exam hall

i totally forgot it

after i recalled about it, i went and ask my friends,

and just found out that they all already signed it after the theory paper.

at the very moment i felt so frustrated (rather by myself)

blaming myself how could i not remember to sign it.

at the same time putting (little) blame on them too.

i felt bad too (and somewhat guilty)

i didn't want to blame anyone else.

but

in a fraction of minute i just couldn't help it.

omg i'm such a bad bad person LOL!

so this is it, what i wanna share today!

so i would like to conclude the blog post

with a statement that

i am someone who doesn't think positively always!

i need to change

and maybe you can help me!

anyone who is interested to help me change to a better person

is most welcomed! :D

-Happy Wesak Day-

have a nice day!

let go of the past...

i am so "amazed" (or rather surprised) by myself,

for being able to sleep off during clinics when the staffs were eyeing on us students. :P

i used to think that the purpose of attending clinics is to LEARN.

learn from the lecturers(professors) as well as the patients.

but then i realise only after attending the clinics, that

"POSTINGS" is not about what i used to think.

the lecturers/professors do not teach in the clinics,

they do their own stuffs, we do our jobs.

at the end, we do not learn much.

the teachers here are different from the teachers in school,

here the students need to study themselves,

then only they can approach the lecturers.

after some time, i started to think,

what do we learn from clinics?

when a teacher does not provide a chance of learning for students,

the students have to work on themselves,

if, one day, the students feel unmotivated,

then the learning process stops.

now here is the question: what is the purpose of attending clinics??

maybe i should change my thinking,

maybe this is the difference between a university and a school,

maybe........

《一封写给自己的信》

《一封写给自己的信》

“亲爱的自己，不要抓住回忆不放，

断了线的风筝，只能让它飞，

放过它，更是放过自己。

亲爱的自己，你必须找到除了爱情之外，

能够使你用双脚坚强站在大地上的东西。

亲爱的自己，你要自信甚至是自恋一点，

时刻提醒自己我值得拥有最好的一切。”

来自微博心理学

这里是我的补充：

亲爱的自己，不要只看到别人拥有什么；

请看看自己拥有的。

亲爱的自己，不要老是看见别人做什么，你就跟着去做；

要想想看自己是否真的喜欢跟从他人。

亲爱的自己，不要老是跟别人比较；

因为很多事没办法衡量，

做自己最快乐。

十年了

中学的时候

读过一首英文诗

叫 “The road not taken”

非常喜欢这首诗

很有共鸣的一首诗。

刚发现原来我离开新民中学已有十年了。

离开新民中学对我来说

和这首诗的情形一样

只在新民中学念过一年初中一

之后就转校到另一间所谓的名校去念其余的四年。

转校听起来不过是换间学校那样而已

而我却用了四年的时间来习惯环境的改变。

时常让我觉得自己的中学生涯

不是很完整。

回想以前在新民中学的日子

其实有好多回忆随着时间的流逝

逐渐地被遗忘了

但是还有些记忆是依然存在的

那些美好的回忆

时而出现勾起我的思绪

让我一次一次地坠入“想当年”之情怀。

多次问自己

为什么要离开

为什么离开了之后

要想念在那里的生活

还想要回到过去。

真的

我不想离开

我希望一直留在新民

直到毕业

但是

真如诗中所道

两条分叉路

我选择了一条路

才真正的体会到

再也没办法回头去试试“走”另外一条路了

所以就得一路走下去。

今天又想起在那里的回忆了

虽然已经过了十年

但是那种想念还是难以用笔墨所形容

我会永远记得

新民中学--- THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

岁月不留人

好快哦

又老一岁了

以前年纪轻轻的自己

对生活有很多很执着的看法

我行我素

在时间的洗涤下

每过一年的在岁数上加一

从十多岁

到今天的二十三

真的觉得

有一种岁月不留人的感慨。

可能时间过得太快

可能我的反应太慢

还没心理准备

做个“二十多岁的人”

也不太清楚

该怎么做好一个“二十多岁的人”。

我发现

自己有个很奇怪的“心理毛病”

经过细心观察

原来我早在多年前就一直有这种“心理问题”

这件事我不曾向任何人提起过

近来它还经常干扰着我。

当你看见别人的生活很美满、快乐，你的内心会生起一股莫名的不满。你有吗？我有。

当你看见别人得到期盼已久的任何东西/人/奖励等，你的内心会生起一股莫名的不满。你有吗？我有。

当你看见别人很幸福甜蜜，你的内心会生起一股莫名的不满，而当你看见别人在失去心爱的东西而痛苦时，你会有一种莫名的满足感。你有吗？我有。

当然

不是对每一个人都是这样的

它只限于某几位特定的对象。

我不明白它为何会存在

而且不时影响着我的情绪

长久以来

我很努力的去压抑它

不让它影响着我

但是

我能做到的

只有掩饰。

我清楚

这种“心理毛病”固然很特别

但是

不能让它滋长

所以

我希望

可以把这种“心理毛病”

连根拔除。

我想

这就是我的

生日愿望吧。

想搬家了

已经一年没更新部落格了

我不知道这个部落格

有谁来看

看的人又是否知道作者是哪位

很多时候

很多心情想在这里分享

却不知道要怎么写

想停止写部落格了

待我想继续时就再写吧

晚安～